5 Pitfalls of the Past I Try to Avoid

1. Laziness (Escaping Responsibility)

I've found it's so easy to come home from work, change, sit on the couch, and veg in front of my flat-screen TV (or my portable video game) for hours if I'm not aware of the time. Laziness quickly settles in day after day of this repetitive behavior. Chores get missed, studying homework is forgotten, planning for future events and goals is forgotten. Laziness becomes the norm. I've been striving towards this year to be a mature man who's confident and always be moving forward in a positive direction. I've met challenges along the way with breaking promises, or trying to escape responsibility by escaping too heavily into portable video games, mindless internet reading, or TV watching. Taking out a pad and pen with my calendar on screen has helped me to break out of the lazy trap and move on with my life.

2. Inconsistency (To form positive lasting habits)

I've struggled to keep myself focused on my long term goals and as result my work life balance has suffered. I can be highly motivated within the first three days to adapt a new value to my lifestyle, but after 30 days I seem to hit the proverbial wall and go back to my old (lazy) ways. I'm trying to shake up the habit of breaking good habits and bookend my days and nights with goal planning to keep myself in check. Be becoming mindful of priorities and time management, I've been improving in some areas I've been inconsistent in the past to meet deadlines. Wisdom from our founding fathers has been also a source of inspiration (see Benjamin Franklin's autobiography written about his life before the American Revolution). Thomas Jefferson and George Washington have also some profound quotes that are worth looking more into (see any quote search on BrainyQuote for more motivating wisdom.

3. Negativity (Thoughts and Put downs)

It's too early to say if my wife's interest level has risen, but I do know with increasing self-respect and validating for her half of the relationship has resulted in an improvement in communication with fewer complaints, contempt, or resentment. Negativity can also ruin personal interactions between romantic or non-romantic relationships as well. Negativity is a destructive force that can isolate anyone after too much outspoken thoughts. It's also bad if the negativity keeps off a good night's sleep. My remedy for negativity? Using meditation and prayer to combat the strong influence of negativity. Tim Ferris a well off young entrepreneur of sport fitness has some interesting solutions to what he calls "Monkey Brain" in his latest book 4-Hour Body in case anyone is further interested in getting a better sleep.

4. Defensiveness (Inability to withstand criticism)

Another pitfall as marriage guru, John Gottman, puts as one of his four horsemen in relationships is Defensiveness I've been struggling with is defensiveness coupled with the inability to take criticism. I've discovered I have triggers words (most people do) that can set me off emotionally and stop any influence or negotiation from moving forward if spoken. Conversations are immediately dropped upon breaching this point. Communication breakdown stops further connectivity between two parties. The remedy to defensiveness is take open-ended questions to the person to re-clarify what the person is trying to convey in another light or repeat what was said.

5. Excuses (Too many)

Self-development takes hard word to erase past behavioral failures. Rebuilt from the embers of these failures, I hope to learn from my mistakes and be wise to not let myself self-destruct again in the face of adversity. Recognize strength and weaknesses and own up them as a mature man. I'm learning to take risks again and try unusual practices in areas that lack self-discipline, self-control, responsibility. In the end, I believe it's possibly turn around a women's interest level and make her the chaser again, not the overly pursued. To demand harder effort to the core, and not rationalize or take the easy way out. Perseverance above all. Finally, own up to broken promises and do my best to remedy the wrong.

"Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anyone else expects of you. Never excuse yourself. Never pity yourself. Be a hard master to yourself and be lenient to everyone else." - Henry Ward Beecher, Nineteenth-Century Clergyman. (Ch.2, Pg.35 from Brian Tracy, "No Excuses", 2010.)